I love the fashion of it all. I love to dress up and “turn a lewk”, as they say, when I went to the Critics Choice Awards this past Sunday. For this fine occasion I dusted off my vintage YSL cape that first made an appearance at Gold Gala 2021 and paired it with blazer as rich as red velvet cake as well as a black dagger-collared top and wide legged slacks. I topped it all off with a gold chain and crucifix and signature “D” brooch to give a “Cunty Catholic Couture” lewk. Or if prefer: “Young Pope Serving Puss”…or “Man of the Cloth Realness”… or “Religious Rave onto the Joy Fantastic Eleganza”.
One thing I have noticed as of late is how there’s this renaissance of red carpet fashion. My roots as a fashion columnist (shout out to my Oakland Tribune days) began to sprout once again as I watched gorgeous gowns and suits walk down that red carpet and judged them silently and shadily.
I particularly could not stop gushing over Ethan Hawke in a finely embroidered Bode suit that was giving mariachi but make it fashion. I need that suit. If Bode would like me to wear any of their suits or pieces to any events please do not hesitate to reach out.
Other than that, I had thots about the lewks that graced the Critics Choice Awards red carpet.
Pluribus hivemind hottie Karolina Wydra zig-ah-zig ah’d on the red carpet in this easy breezy Victoria Beckham Resort look.
There’s something very alluring about Ghosts actor Rebecca Wisocky in this custom Bibu Mohapatra. It’s giving… “I owe 51% of this goddam company!”
Britt Lower from Severence donned Bottega Veneta but it looks like pants and a belted bath mat.
Hamnet director Chloe Zhao looks ethereal and continues the white trend in haunting Rodarte. I can so see this dress on a ghost.
It makes sense that Mia Goth would spill into something clean like this Dior gown after wearing all of those extravagant gowns in Frankenstein.
When Jessie Buckley took the stage to accept her award for Hamnet, I was confused about her outfit. I have no idea what is going on here but it’s Dior.
Teyana Taylor serves cunty huntress in Saint Laiurent Men’s. And she wasn’t the only one going for a menswear look that night…
The Diplomat’s Keri Russell (aka my girl Felicity!) looked absolutely stunning, sleek, and sexy in this Tom Ford tuxedo look. It’s one of those outfits that look so hot that you just know the person wearing it is up to no good.
The men have been peacocking on the red carpet more now than ever. Let’s start with Heated Rivalry François Arnaud going for a monochromatic look and this double breasted Saint Laurent hugs his body like Rosanov hugs Hollander — but in a less sexual manner.
I love it when men thoughtfully ornament their suits with brooches and other stylish accoutrements. Every time I have seen Brian Tyree Henry on a red carpet he just knows how to add the right ring, necklace, and watch to any outfit. In this case he used this double breasted Giorgio Armani suit as his blank canvas.
I was sitting at the No Other Choice table and as soon as I was introduced to Lee Byung-hun, I noticed that gorgeous, perfectly outsized floral brooch on his Louis Vuitton suit — and I am in LOVE with these wide lapels.
More brooches! I love a brooch. I can’t tell exactly how this Dolce and Gabbana jacket closes on Ramy Youssef. It looks like an interesting version of a hanbok top with these ornate iced out closures.
Speaking of hanbok-ish jackets, Wagner Moura is wearing this Zegna suit that looks super comfy but imagine wearing this without pants. It would look like one of those old school bathrobes for men that were unnecessarily high cut… that would be hot, though.
Carl Clemons-Hopkins is gives personality to this Alexander McQueen sweater and durag while iced out for the gawds.
Favorite suit of the night: Ethan Hawke in Bode. I want this suit. The fine embroidery is placed perfectly and It’s giving mariachi but make it fashion.
Alien: Earth star David Rysdahl wore this Sivan suit that I would also like in my closet.
Sinners music maestro Ludwig Göransson gives us an unexpected, chic monochromatic brown moment in this Zegna suit.
Michael B. Jordan always looks handsome because, well, he’s Michael B. Jordan. The Sinners star was looking good in this handsome double-breasted Louis Vuitton in deep maroon (although I wish the colors were a different color).
Fresh off from saving the Earth from Vecna and having his character come out of the closet, Stranger Things star Noah Schnapp gives rock n’ roll edge in John Varvatos complete with on-trend Chaumet brooch.
Gorgeous and regal, Hollywood icon Sheryl Lee Ralph embodies star power in this deep red Tony Ward gown. She always serves glamour!
What’s on the menu? Legs! Legs! SNL alum Ego Nwodim lives her Angelina Jolie fantasy in this finely draped red Carolina Herrera.
Critics Choice Award winner Katherine LaNasa from The Pitt wore custom Louis Vuitton but I don’t know about all of what’s happening with that top.
Paul W. Downs and Megan Stalter are bringing sexy and absurdity back to the red carpet, mimicking the Chalamet and Jenner Chrome Hearts moment. It’s very reminiscent of the 72nd Academy Awards when South Park‘s Trey Parker and Matt Stone stepped on to the red carpet at the dressed as Jennifer Lopez in the green Versace dress with the plunging neckline and as Gwyneth Paltrow in her 1999 pink Ralph Lauren gown. At the time, those two gowns were iconic. The J. Lo dress still is.
Kpop Demon Hunters star Audrey Nuna wins for boldest look in this geometric lesson of a gown by Marc Jacobs that looks like the Pokemon evolution of Comme des Garçons RTW Fall 2012.
Rose Byrne looks so unbothered in her Lydia Deets Valentino Haute Couture.
This feels very much like a Natasha Lyonne look. I believe this Celine look is two pieces, but it would be insanely fun if it were a jumpsuit.
Another bold avant garde swing and it works. Served by Rei Ami from Kpop Demon Hunters, this piece by Chochengco is giving lululemon logo but make it fashion.
Kpop Demon Hunters golden voice Ejae stepped on to the carpet this romantic goth strapless gown by Korean designer Kong. I love how she and her Huntrix homegirls were giving us an old school Destiny’s Child “let’s all match but be different” moment in all black.
Danielle Brooks is glowingly beautiful, serving BODY-ODY-ODY and curves and swerves in this Monot gown that looks like it’s giving a sheer illusion.
Sinners star Wumni Mosaku is a G-O-D-D-E-S-S in this flowy Gap Studio by Zac Posen gown. I’m loving this indigo with that ombre of white on the train.
What is there not to love about Hamnet costume Malgosia Turzanska’s hippy pannier-style dress with a print of Hieronymus Bosch’s painting, “The Garden of Earthly Delights” – all designed by her!
Still trying to decide if I like this Lanvin on Jessica Biel. On one hand the detailing and mixture textiles feels so decadent. And on the other hand, it’s giving fancy wrapping paper… or a Ferrero Rocher.
Alicia Silverstone looks like a total Betty, snatched within an inch of her life in this Stella McCartney gown that kinda has the same silhouette as the Critics Choice Awards trophy.
Marty Supreme and I Love L.A. star Odessa A’Zion stuns and slays in this custom Ott Dubai that looks like cuntified ABBA concert attire.
Ladies and gentlequeers, the lovely voice actors of Kpop Demon Hunters: (From left) Ji-young Yoo looks like a vampy bombshell in Prabal Gurang; Arden Chon is living her Vivienne Westwood fantasy; and May Hong is looking glam punk in this Gauntlett Cheng Mad Max flapper number.
Chase Infiniti walked down the carpet looking absolutely stunning and unfuckwithable in this slinky custom Louis Vuitton (that draped top looks like creamy ripples of delicious butter). She looks like a warrior queen from Wonder Woman’s island of Themyscira who is ready to conquer the world.
Ariana Grande looks good in everything, I would like this custom Alberta Ferretti gown a la Diahann Carroll to be a hue darker so that she doesn’t look entire washed out. It’s Old Hollywood just a stone’s throw away from aging Miss Grande.
Jessica Williams lives her pop-punk romantic fantasy in this custom Bora Aksu that gives throes-of-passion Harlequin romance novel cover energy.
Severance star Tramell Tillman claimed his Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series trophy in this creamy Anamika Khanna suit with flourishing details that bring dimension and romantic flair.
Quinta Brunson is all business and brings Olivia Pope energy in this clean, crisp wide-legged “It’s handled” Chloe suit.
And here is Hannah Einbinder in Louis Vuitton’s latest couture pirate beer wench collection… and I don’t see that as a bad thing. I seriously love this.
Adolescence star Erin Doherty accepted her Critics Choice trophy in Louis Vuitton that echoes a similar dress worn by Ariana Grande last year at the 36th Annual Palm Springs International Film Awards. I like to call it the “bulb syringe dress”.
And here’s Diego Luna looking fine as fuck in Zegna.
I love this floral embroidered extravaganza happening on Amy Madigan’s Dior coat. It looks like she paired it with jeans (I may be wrong) which surprisingly works. Madigan continues the trend of wearing menswear with this ornate “Beethoven meets Midsommar” piece from Dior Men.
Pluribus star Rhea Seehorn accepts her Critics Choice Award in this severe and sleek black Louis Vuitton that gives Edgar Allen Poe “The Raven” energy meets Star Wars minimalism. Nevermore indeed.
