It’s been a little over two weeks since the third season of The Bear premiered on FX to a fairly warm ovation. Throughout the ASMR culinary tantric soundgasms, some thought it was too much of a character study collage and less of a straightforward series. At the same time, fans of the Jeremy Allen White and Ayo Edibiri-fronted dramedy loved creator Christopher Storer‘s hyper-visceral take on chef Carmy and company’s adventures in the Michelin star restaurant universe. 

From Sydney’s job opportunity dilemma to Carmy’s stubbornness toTina’s (the phenomenal Liza Colón-Zayas) emotional backstory to seeing Olivia Coleman make fun of the “salt bae” meme and eat a waffle with caviar on top, there is one scene that has stuck to my ribs like no other.

In the final episode of the third season, Carmy confronts his former boss, Chef David (Joel McHale). In flashbacks throughout the series, David treats Carmy like garbage in the kitchen. He emasculates him. David demeans Carmy to the point where it seems David is getting off on it. It’s creepy. It’s disgusting. All the while, Carmy remains stone-faced and silent. For many, it hits too close to home.

Everyone has that one toxic boss or workplace from your past that you wish you could forget. In Carmy’s case, it was David. In an Emmy-worthy scene, Carmy finally has the chance to tell David how he feels.

CARMY: I always wondered what I would say to you if I got to see you again.

DAVID: Okay. Let’s have it.

CARMY: After ‘fuck you’, I don’t have much.

DAVID: Fuck me?

CARMY: Yeah, that’s right.

DAVID: For anything in particular?

CARMY: No, just generally being you, I think. Yeah.

DAVID: Got it…well, this has been nice.

David starts walking away.

CARMY: I think about you too much.

David turns around.

DAVID: I don’t think about you.

CARMY: Why are you such a fucking asshole?

DAVID: How am I an asshole?

CARMY: Do you have half an hour?

DAVID: You’re welcome.

CARMY: I’m welcome? For what?

DAVID: You were an OK chef when you started with me, and you left an excellent chef… so you’re welcome.

CARMY: You gave me ulcers… and panic attacks.. and nightmares. You..you know that, right? You understand that?

DAVID: Yeah, I gave you confidence and leadership and ability. It fucking worked.

CARMY: I’m…I’m fucking stunned right now —

DAVID: Dude, you need to unclutch your pearls.

CARMY: My life stopped.

DAVID: That’s the point, right?

CARMY: That’s the point?!

DAVID: You wanted to be great. You wanted to be excellent. So you got rid of all the bullshit, and you concentrated, and you got focused, and you got great. You got excellent. It worked. You’re here… look at all this…I’m gonna go piss now.

This is how I think the conversation would go if I told my old workplace how I really felt about it — but this is probably not just me. A Harris poll survey on “toxic bosses” from 2023 defines a toxic boss as “a boss or supervisor who has exhibited any toxic behaviors (e.g., micromanagement, credit stealing, unreasonable expectations, unprofessional behavior, being unapproachable, etc.)”. 

In the study sampled 1,233 employed U.S. adults, it was found that “over two-thirds of American workers have experienced a toxic boss, and 31% currently working under one.” 

Carmy, we feel your pain. 

For me, it’s not necessarily one person — and I sure as hell didn’t have a mentor at my old workplace. It was a culture that was fostered and bolstered — a work culture that negatively impacted my mental health. But my story ain’t nothing compared to other stories I have heard from my friends in the film and TV industry and outside of it. It’s refreshing to know that toxic work culture is universal and this scene from The Bear solidified that trauma bond between all of us.

 

 We see Carmy stumble over his words and his anger takes over. It fogs his mind. He is totally in need of more Jedi training. As Carmy expresses his hurt and frustration, David is smug which makes us hate him more. We want him to say sorry and be punished for the way he treated our beloved Calvin Klein underwear model. 

The scene makes me think of all those buzzy terms like “toxic workplace” that I hate repeating but are also a necessary descriptor when it comes to unsavory situations from our past that eat away at our souls. These abusive relationships — work and otherwise — will always be part of us like a scar. I love it when Kelly Clarkson sings “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”, but I don’t fully subscribe to that adage. 

Like Carmy, many of us are often forced to excel at any cost in our respected careers — especially in Hollywood. We must achieve greatness even if it means sacrificing one’s emotional well-being. Dare I say I kind of agree with David? 

Hear me out…yes, he’s an asshole, but I don’t necessarily think he represents David. Rather, he represents Carmy’s inner saboteur (thanks RuPaul!). David made Carmy a better chef. Granted, the toxic mentorship and its lasting effects on mental health but at the end of the scene, Carmy manages to find growth and strength from a dire situation while David knows who he is and refuses to budge. He will remain an asshole incapable of empathy and any sense of humanity —  a common characteristic for many in the world, specifically Hollywood and DC. Davids exist everywhere. We can’t stop them. All we can do is stay true to ourselves as we navigate through their sad toxicity. That’s their problem. Not ours.

Still, I’m not saying past saying “fuck you” to those who treat me like shit.